Friday, July 6, 2012 § 3 Comments

I’ve felt this before, and now I’m feeling it again. Will it ever end? The cycle?

My feet want to take a life of their own, want to drag me from out here and take me to a place I haven’t even seen. If I allow them, they could probably grow wings and fly me — hastily — to that place I have been wondering about but which I haven’t had the luxury to see.

My hands, my mind, my heart, my entire being seem to beg me to assent to it, as if they hold the knowledge that something’s waiting for me at the other end.

I call it the other end because I don’t know what it is. I have no name for it. Is it a literal destination? Figurative? Where is it? What does it look like? What do I have to do with it? And what does the Lord want me to accomplish for Him? The last question is important, because certainly I know it’s Him calling.

Fear and uncertainty linger. They chain my feet to the earth I’m standing on. But if I let go and take a step, will my feet land on a good ground? Will everything finally make sense?

But maybe at this point where I will go and what I shall do are irrelevant. Maybe at this point what I need to do is make a decision.

So finally, with total submission, I’m answering to the subtle — but sometimes hard — tug.  Genuinely, but not without fear, I am submitting myself to the call. Whatever that could mean for me, my life, the people I love.

This is to put an end to the restlessness. But for the most part, this is to express obedience.

Maybe at this point making the decision is more important than anything else. Maybe only after making that decision can I come to terms with the possible turn of events, and only then will I more openly accept that one day I will have to go.

Everything sounds cryptic, doesn’t it? It does, yes. Because everything remains a mystery at the moment. It seems like the answer rests under a large blanket and which will get uncovered at the proper time. Maybe I will finally have the answer after this. I’ll probably receive concrete instructions by then. And my road will fan out with a more defined outline.

In the meantime, I’m praying for direction and wisdom. Let His will be done, not mine.


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§ 3 Responses to Restless

  • dyuhas62 says:

    Abby, I recognize that restless calling. As a result, I’ve tried on many hats, but none of them fit perfectly. God has never satisfied me with the details about where I am going and what I will be doing even though I’ve prayed for years about it. Instead, He reminds me to focus on today and to leave tomorrow to Him. Over the years I’ve alternated between resentment, wanting a specific plan, and contentment, knowing my life is in His hands. I realize that whatever He calls me to do in the future, He is, right now, forming my character and perfecting my faith so that when the time is ripe, I will be ready to assume the role of a lifetime. He may very well give you concrete instructions, but if not, consider that He is still in the process of forming your character. Don’t be discouraged if many years pass by before you receive that direction. Make the most of the time you have now and become the woman of God He desires.

    • Abby says:

      Yes, He is in the business of forming my character and reinforcing my faith unto Him. And I’m sure this is an opportunity for me to learn more about His principles. I know God directs my steps even though I don’t exactly know where they lead me. God is a faithful God. He honors the obedience of His children.

      Thank you for this encouragement. 🙂

  • […] there on a mission trip since 2010. It was a long time coming, and it’s partly the reason for my restlessness that stretched for […]

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