Restless

Friday, July 6, 2012 § 3 Comments

I’ve felt this before, and now I’m feeling it again. Will it ever end? The cycle?

My feet want to take a life of their own, want to drag me from out here and take me to a place I haven’t even seen. If I allow them, they could probably grow wings and fly me — hastily — to that place I have been wondering about but which I haven’t had the luxury to see.

My hands, my mind, my heart, my entire being seem to beg me to assent to it, as if they hold the knowledge that something’s waiting for me at the other end.

I call it the other end because I don’t know what it is. I have no name for it. Is it a literal destination? Figurative? Where is it? What does it look like? What do I have to do with it? And what does the Lord want me to accomplish for Him? The last question is important, because certainly I know it’s Him calling.

Fear and uncertainty linger. They chain my feet to the earth I’m standing on. But if I let go and take a step, will my feet land on a good ground? Will everything finally make sense?

But maybe at this point where I will go and what I shall do are irrelevant. Maybe at this point what I need to do is make a decision.

So finally, with total submission, I’m answering to the subtle — but sometimes hard — tug.  Genuinely, but not without fear, I am submitting myself to the call. Whatever that could mean for me, my life, the people I love.

This is to put an end to the restlessness. But for the most part, this is to express obedience.

Maybe at this point making the decision is more important than anything else. Maybe only after making that decision can I come to terms with the possible turn of events, and only then will I more openly accept that one day I will have to go.

Everything sounds cryptic, doesn’t it? It does, yes. Because everything remains a mystery at the moment. It seems like the answer rests under a large blanket and which will get uncovered at the proper time. Maybe I will finally have the answer after this. I’ll probably receive concrete instructions by then. And my road will fan out with a more defined outline.

In the meantime, I’m praying for direction and wisdom. Let His will be done, not mine.

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